Saturday, 9 May 2015

Relationship Tips: Sex and Fidelity

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Lots of men can relate to one of my readers who said ‘Anyone who believes that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach failed geography.”
We’ve all heard various tales about the importance of sex to a man. While there’s far more to men than just sex, and not every husband views sex in the same way, it’s important for wives to understand that most husbands do approach sex differently from their wives. Many men are finding ways of expressing these differences to their wives, they wish their wives understand their unique approach to sex. Although this may not be applicable to every husband exactly, it can certainly provide wives with new information and perspective in understanding their husbands better. This is because failure to do this drives many married couples outside their matrimonial bed in search of their insatiable sexual fulfilment.

While it is generally acknowledged that a woman’s sex drive is lower than a man’s, (this is not so in many cases), most women completely under-estimate how important sex is to their husbands. The vast majority of husbands do not run around trying to sleep with every woman they see. Many husbands truly love their wives and family and are passionate about monogamy. As much fidelity matters to him as a married man, so does sex matters a lot.
Although quite a number of wives get aroused very gradually and need to warm up to the idea of sex, men don’t have to have much foreplay, or even forethought, to be ready for sex. This is why someone rightly says, men are microwave ovens and women are clay-pot ovens. When you give a woman good support, hold her close, compliment her, listen to her, laugh with her, cry with her, romance her, encourage her, believe in her, cuddle her, shop with her, give her jewellery, write love letters to her, and go to the end of the earth and back again for her. Now she might be ready sexually! But for the man: just show up naked in front of him!
A man could have the worst day ever and still enjoy sex. Emotions can impact a man sexually, but most times, he can push those aside and be instantly ready.
Whenever a single lady is about to tie the knot, I usually drum it to their ears that sex is a legitimate physical need for a man and that if they are not ready to give it lavishly, they should not marry the man. For good number of men, sex is an appetite that keeps returning. Sperm cells are building up 24/7 and simply put, they want to come out. If there isn’t a release, your husband may find it uncomfortable or, in some instances, painful. To help you understand how this feels, think about when you have to urinate really badly or when a nursing mother’s breasts are painfully engorged with milk. It is similar for a man. Relief will happen through ejaculation by orgasm, or nocturnal emissions (wet dreams). But many husbands would much rather it be with their wives!
So wives must realise that sex is intimacy to men. For most women, intimacy is primarily an emotional thing; for most men, it’s primarily sexual activity. If you really want his attention, work with the way God designed him; fill his sex drum. As a matter of fact, your sexual relationship may be the ‘on- ramp’ to communication, conflict resolution, and building the emotional intimacy you are longing for. When you give him the physical intimacy he desires, it releases oxytocin (the bonding hormone), which significantly increases the chance that your husband will provide the emotional support you long for. This is because a man’s sexuality is the core aspect of their identity; sex has a deep emotional impact on men. Being sexually fulfilled in marriage significantly impacts most husbands’ confidence and masculinity. Seventy-seven per cent of men agreed that if their wives were interested and motivated sex partners, it would give them a greater sense of well- being and satisfaction with life and they will stop infidelity. As much as men want sex, they also hate rejection. A wife “Not tonight” translates into “I’m not interested in you.” Make sure that if you’re responding with a no, you gently discuss it with him. Amazingly, men are more fragile emotionally than their wives often realise.
Wives, don’t ever forget that they are just grown boys; they need compliments as well. As women, you look in the mirror, but so do your husbands. They can feel unattractive, out of shape, and embarrassed to let you see them naked when they are out of shape also. These things make them question whether you still desire them anymore. However, when you compliment them, this gives sexual confidence. More importantly, as bodies change and age, remember that the beauty of a person really is more than skin deep. See God’s glory in your husband as a total person, including the external packaging. And then verbalise that to him.
Husbands like it when wives initiate sex, most husbands feel as though they’re the ones who always initiate sex. But they also like to be pursued—especially sexually. Husbands don’t want their wives to have sex with them because they feel guilty. They want their wives to want to be with them. So, don’t be shy about letting your husband know you’re in the mood. At the same time, don’t take it personal when your husband doesn’t initiate sex.
While it is said that most men need sex, what does it mean if your husband doesn’t pursue you sexually or seems to have no interest in sex? Don’t jump right to personalising this, second-guessing, or blaming yourself. Don’t instantly conclude that he’s having an affair or watching pornography. In spite of the myth that men want sex anytime anywhere, this isn’t true. Men can compartmentalise various events (like a bad day at work), but they don’t necessarily disengage from their deeper feelings. Although your husband might not be able to verbalise it, he may not always be able to detach from what’s going on emotionally. Other issues—both physical and emotional—can also affect your husband’s sex drive. If your husband lacks interest in sex, be wise and sensitive in conversing with him about it. Ask him if there is anything affecting his desire to be sexually intimate. Inquire about anything you’re doing that might be impacting his sexual desire and ask if there are positive things you can do to renew his sexual interest.
Deep in the heart of every man is a longing to romance and win the affection of his bride. Unfortunately, these days there are very few quests to pursue. Many men get their adventures from video games and their romance from television programmes. But in a healthy marriage, sex can be the adventure many men long for. Allow your man to court and woo you! And respond when he does. Help your husband enjoy the adventure of captivating you. A woman can’t force her husband to pursue her, but she can sure flirt, tease, hint, entice, and reward him—and marriage is the right place for this to happen.
Help your husband battle sexual temptation. As men, they are faced with enormous temptation in today’s world. These men are more visually stimulated than you are as women; plus, the world is throwing half-naked women at them in every other commercial on television, on the Internet, and on the street. Our husband daily battle with some forms of temptation. Realise that God brought you into his life as a helper; you help your husbands guard against temptation by regularly connecting with him sexually. Your husband depends on you to be his partner in his battle against sexual temptation. You’re the only woman in the world whom your husband can look at sexually without compromising his integrity!
Even though a wife cannot compete with the raw sensuality dangled at men in our culture, what you do have to offer your husband is far more profound. Fulfilling your husband sexually encompasses so much more than the physical act. It means embracing all that he is, hopes, and desires. No magazine, no co-worker, no porn site can be this teammate and confidant for your husband. This is your gift. Unwrap it.”
Remember, sex is for marriage, and you are the only one who rightfully can give your husband this gift. Keep it in mind that there are times in marriage when you may simply choose to give this gift even though when don’t feel like it. By nurturing all the ingredients of a great sex life, you can help forge a deeper connection and move toward a more loving relationship with your husband and help him fight against infidelity. Until next week, I remain your loyal bedroom instructor.
Questions and Answers
My husband is constantly grabbing me
No matter what I am doing, he will come up and grab my breasts, or sometimes just pulls my pant off and rushes me with sex, or sometimes just sticks his penis in my buttocks, or sometimes he will just spread my legs apart while sleeping and before I know what is happening from behind, he is thrusting deep in me. I have explained this is a turn off, but it does not seem to matter to him. How can I get him to stop? And can you believe it, we are not new couples.
Mrs. Fehintola Vimbo
Alas, the misguided male libido! It would seem men would begin to realise what “works.” Some males are convinced that an aggressive approach to affection makes them irresistible, romantic rascals.
Was his intense interest in your breasts once a turn-on for you? If that attention made you feel sexy and alluring, he could have been rewarded for his “fondling.” There might still be ambivalence on your part about his inability to control his passion around you.
The change you desire may require some behavioural modification on your part. You can try ignoring the unwanted attention and rewarding any sign of the approach that does turn you on.
Another method would be implosive therapy. Turn the tables and make aggressive approaches toward him. That change in the “dance” may remove whatever excitement he gets from being “on the make.”
Whatever you do, do not come across as a critical mother or teacher, but as a lover longing for intimacy. And I wish you are wise about it so as not to send him out; many arms are waiting to have him.
Is my semen abnormal?
Why does my semen dribble instead of squirting out during orgasm, is this normal? I am concerned because it seems to get worse by the day. Does masturbation have anything to do with this?
Andrew Omogborovie
Squirting or squeezing of semen during climaxing simply means the manner, mode or way the semen comes out during ejaculation. Squirting can also be called spurting, gushing or spewing out. Dribble or dribbling also means trickling, salivating or dripping of semen during ejaculation. Whichever way a man’s semen comes out during ejaculation depends on a lot of things. It depends on how sexually excited he is at that particular time, or when his ejaculation last. It also depends on how old the individual is, or maybe even just how tired he is. Each man’s experience does not only differ, each man’s physiological make up differs. It also depends on how long such individual had been sex starved. A newlywed sex-starved man or generally sex-starved husband will squirt over and over again and again while a sexually active husband may dribble over and again. It also depends on the type of diet a man is on; remember sex is an exertion best performed by fit bodies, eat well. Generally, men squirt farther when they are younger and the force diminishes as they get older and eventually just dribbles or drips out as they reach andropause. No matter which way it comes out, the feeling is usually the same and how far it squirts out has no bearing on how pleasurable the feel of climaxing or sex is. As a matter of fact, wives who enjoy harmonious sexual intercourse with their husbands always enjoy and love the feeling of a loaded squirting inside them. Some categories of men squirt after prolonged stimulation or interrupted stimulation. For instance, a wife can make sure she gets her husband over stimulated or extremely excited but not finishing up; then later after some distraction getting back on the job big time, when the husband will squirt powerfully. This is one life time experience husbands look forward to. Wife, you can make this possible.
However this may not be true for a habitual masturbator, instead of his ejaculatory pattern go from squirting to dribbling then drops of drips, the ejaculatory configuration can just start dripping without remedy. Many masturbators argue that they can’t handle their sexual tension and urges but actually uncontrollable sexual tension is a permitted myth. Sexual urges and tension can be easily controlled once one’s sex addiction is eliminated. When the muscle contraction is not as strong as it should be, it makes the feeling of squirting less intense. But individual can actually strengthen his PC muscles so that he will probably squirt more often. What you do to strengthen PC muscles is, squeeze as if holding back urine; hold that squeeze for three seconds. And repeat that exercise 20 times. Do this three times a day.
My eight years old menstruates
My eight years old is already menstruating, I am confused. I try asking her questions about her sexuality and also study her closely. She does not seem to be sexually active but I am so concerned with the fact that she can be experiencing menstrual period at this stage. What do you think?
Mrs. Matinda Obemyor
Even if she is sexually active which I pray hard she would not, it may likely not be the reason why she is now in her menarche; that is early menstrual stage. Sometimes, excessive sugar and soda intake habit may prompt early puberty in girls, and also stimulate menstrual flow. Baby girls who consume a lot of sugary food and drinks may enter puberty earlier. Sugary food drinks containing sucrose, glucose or corn syrup have already been linked to weight gain. Drinks and food with added sugar have a higher glycemic index than naturally sweetened drinks such as fruit juices and tasty natural food. High-glycemic foods cause a rapid increase in insulin concentrations in the body. This can cause higher concentrations of sex hormones, which have been linked to starting periods earlier. Sugar-sweetened beverage consumption causes early onset of menarche (first period).



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